For parents and carers
- Being anxious about school and not wanting to go can start for any number of reasons: it might be because of worries about exams, friends, bullying or can easily be triggered after a period of illness and having to stay off school.
- It is often hard for young people to express why they feel the way they do and they may be worried about telling parents if it involves others. Try to encourage a conversation so you can make a plan together. While avoiding school is understandable if it causes anxiety, it becomes very hard to go back to school once you’ve been off for a while. Parents need to try and tread the very fine line between being sensitive to their child’s needs and worries (and not dismissing them) and being aware that avoidance tends to make the problem worse. Consider looking at our other pages on anxiety, bullying and social media if that may be relevant.
- If your child is refusing to go to school, the first place to turn to is your child’s school. Find out from the school who is the best person to talk to. It may be the Special Educational Needs worker (SENCO), the Headteacher, the class teacher or the Head of Year.
Top tips
- Starting secondary school this summer? Top Tips from BBC Bitesize with videos and advice from other young people
- Back-to-school anxiety Written by clinical psychologists post-pandemic, these are some good practical tips including the concept of using ‘worry time’ and how to do that.
- Advice for parents on anxiety and phobias in children, including advice on school phobia.
- Problems at school this links you to a great video “in trouble at school”
- How to help your child and look after your own needs.
- Strategies that are adapted for children with autism
For young people who struggle with school
School can be stressful at any age and it’s often not easy to talk to your parents about problems, especially if they involve other people at school or you don’t want to get other people into trouble. Struggling by yourself can be very lonely though, so if you can find someone to talk things over with, you can often find a way forward.
If you don’t feel you can talk to someone, you could try the 1-2-1 chat option on Childline or their message board (childline if for young people up to the age of 19 years) Or check out some other helpline/text chat options. Schools can often try to help you too, for example, if you tend to panic in big exam halls or if you need help with study skills. Have look at the links here to see if there is something that will help you:
- School-related problems such as problems with friends, exam stress, homework and revision, moving schools, worrying about your future and more. Lots of help for all ages.
- Starting secondary school this summer? Top Tips from BBC Bitesize with videos and advice from other young people
- Celebrity tips on starting secondary school
- Problems at school and how to get help
- Coping with a new school, uncertainty about school and more on The Mix website
- Exam stress- how to cope if it’s all getting a bit too much
Video about school refusal
Books
- Overcoming School Refusal A practical guide for teachers, counsellors, caseworkers and parents by Joanne Garfi. Written by a psychologist who has spent 30 years helping children who school refuse, it is well indexed giving advice for parents and schools on how to tackle this issue.
- Getting Your Child to Say”Yes” to School ·A Guide for Parents of Youth with School Refusal Behavior by Christopher Kearney. This is an American book, which has received good reviews from parents. It is aimed at parents and provides suggestions on how to help.