Anxiety is by far the most common problem in children, young people and of course adults. Being anxious sometimes is quite normal and even helpful in small amounts – for example, helping us to prepare for and cope with challenging situations. People with a tendency to worry are often conscientious, thoughtful, perfectionist and high-achieving. Too much anxiety, however can have the opposite effect, causing us to avoid situations, feel ill and unhappy and find it hard to cope with everyday tasks. Read on to find out more below.
Scroll down to find the section for young people.
Helping your young person
Helping someone feel safe and understood will help them feel more in control. Until our mid-twenties, our brains are still developing. Emotional regulation is a skill we can learn and that you as a parent can help with.
Helpful things you can say and do:
” I can see that you are really worried” (acknowledge the feeling)
” I’m here with you, we can work this out together”
” Let’s take this one step at a time”
” I’m listening”
Talk about how you cope with feeling anxious yourself.
If you feel yourself getting frustrated, walk away and take a deep breath!
Avoid:
” Don’t be silly” (it feels dismissive even if true)
” There’s nothing to worry about”
” That’s not going to happen, don’t worry”
Fixing all their problems for them (it can contribute to their feeling of not being in control)
Read on for some practical strategies
For parents: start here
Anxiety in secondary school and beyond can cause many of the same issues as in younger children, such as problems with sleep, school avoidance, or panic attacks. It can be a real worry and difficult to know what to do. Is it just a normal amount of stress or is it making your child sad, irritable, sleepless or angry? A lot of young people express their anxiety through anger, so you might just be noticing they are particularly rude or grumpy. Anxious people also often feel the need to control things – this might for example be in the form of superstitious rituals, tidying, rigid eating or being inflexible to changes in plans.
Physical symptoms such as palpitations or feeling sick are also common, caused by the excess of stress hormones in the body. In addition, there may be new issues such as self-harm, eating disorders, or depression.
The good news is that young people can learn techniques to allow them to cope better with anxiety and stress, which will stand them in good stead as they grow up. These techniques can be self-taught (or learnt with parents), or might sometimes need the help of a counsellor. They can also start to work out what early warning signs of being overwhelmed feel like and what sorts of things help them: is it going for a walk, doing exercise, talking to someone, writing a journal, doing something creative or something else altogether? Learning to cope with stressful and unpredictable events is a useful life skill. There are ideas below and, depending on the age of your child and how much time you have, even workbooks that you can do together.
Many schools have counsellors who are used to dealing with anxiety, being such a common problem in this age group. Have a look at our guide on counselling, including some options for online counselling.
Resources for parents and caregivers
- Overcoming your Child’s Fear and Worries: A self-help guide using Cognitive Behavioural Techniques.by Cathy Creswell and Lucy Willetts. Often recommended by CAMHS, discusses techniques for breaking problems down into smaller steps and using reward systems to help overcome fears and challenge negative thinking.
- Coping with an Anxious or Depressed Child by Dr Sam Cartwright-Hatton. Recommended by the Charity ‘Anxiety UK’
- Anxiety UK. How to start tackling anxiety from a parent’s perspective, some resources and background information. This charity also offers an online therapy course which you have to pay for.
- Tips on supporting your child with anxiety.
- Anxiety and Phobias in Children with Advice for Parents (includes some Advice on School Phobia)
- MindEd on Anxiety This website has detailed advice and information if you’d like to know more and some interesting videos.
Video: 4 ideas for supporting a child with anxiety
For young people: do I have anxiety?
Feeling anxious is a normal response to stresses such as exams and can help you get through them. It becomes a problem when it stops you from doing or enjoying things, starts to make you feel unhappy or even causes physical symptoms.
Stress hormones like adrenaline and cortisol are useful if you need to cope with a short-term threat or stress (like running away from something or getting through an exam). Too much stress however can cause symptoms like feeling sick, vomiting, dizziness, a fast heartbeat, a tight throat, difficulty breathing and even diarrhoea. Too much anxiety can stop you from sleeping or make it hard for you to concentrate.
- The Worry Tree – do your thoughts go round and round in circles thinking about things that have happened or might happen? Watch this video
- Quiz: check my mood
Coping with anxiety and stress is all about finding what works for you. Exercise works for lots of people but it might be different for you. Look at the games and top tips section below to find some ideas and there’s more on our support pages.
Helplines and online support
- Childline: for all ages up to young adults Mood trackers, games, breathing exercises and videos, a helpline and a message board.
- Kooth Read about common problems and get advice. You can also have free online chats with a qualified counsellor. All ages – probably most suitable from about 12+ years, but younger children could look at this with a parent.
- The Mix for young people with expert advice, blogs, message boards and personal stories. There is also a helpline and option for 1-2-1 e-mail support.
- No Panic national charity helping people who suffer from panic attacks, phobias, OCD and other forms of anxiety. Check out their Youth Hub and youth helpline for ages 13-20 years.
Podcast; manage your mood on the go
How can anxiety and panic affect your body?
- YoungMinds Common symptoms of anxiety and some simple advice.
- Physical Symptoms, the Fight or Flight Response and the Causes of Anxiety. Ideas to help tackle anxiety, this also explains the different types of anxiety like generalised anxiety disorder (GAD), separation anxiety, social anxiety and more.
- Panic and Panic Attacks by MindMate. Recognising the signs of an oncoming attack and staying in control.