Understanding disordered eating
Eating disorders can occur in any family. They may be triggered for many different reasons. Some common triggers are excessive stress, anxiety, dieting, athletics, depression or a traumatic event. There was also a huge upsurge in disordered eating during the pandemic. There is good evidence that genetics may contribute as well as multiple other societal factors and personality factors (such as perfectionism).For many people, it develops as a coping strategy when life feels out of control or overwhelming. It can be easy to convince yourself that what you are doing is ‘normal’ or even healthy.
There is emerging evidence that eating disorders are also more common in autistic people or those with autistic traits, also known as Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder or ARFID. You can read more about this below.
Social media can be a negative influence by portraying highly manipulated images and promoting toxic messages about body image and weight. Although the video below focuses on the effect of social media on girls, boys can and do get eating disorders too and are often diagnosed late. Disordered eating in boys can sometimes be linked to ‘gym culture’ and can take the form of restricted or rigid eating patterns.
For more resources and videos, see the pages on body image and self-esteem
Did you know?
“Many people with disordered eating have a weight in or above the normal range. The problem lies in how they control food, how they see food and how thoughts around food, weight and body image start to take over their lives”
Top recommended resource
Anorexia and Other Eating Disorders: how to help your child eat well and live well by Eva Musby. The video below is just one of many you can find on Eva Musby’s YouTube channel – practical, empathetic and from the perspective of someone who’s been in your shoes.
For parents: start here
Worrying whether your child has developed an eating disorder is incredibly upsetting and parents nearly always blame themselves in some way, but the causes and triggers of eating disorders are complicated and different in every case. Understanding the emotions and drivers of disordered eating can help you support your child into recovery,
See your doctor (GP) as soon as possible to discuss whether a referral to specialist services is needed. Sometimes teenagers and young adults may not want to see a doctor or may not feel there is much of a problem. This denial and rationalisation can allow someone to continue in what are often very extreme behaviours.
Letting go of an eating disorder and ‘getting better’ can be very frightening even when someone realises they are harming themselves. Understanding this ambivalence can be hard for parents, but is important to help you support them. Acknowledging the ambivalence and understanding the perceived “advantages” that it may bring to a young person’s life, can be a huge relief to someone in this situation, as it allows them to be more honest about how they are feeling. Very young teenagers with eating disorders or those who are seriously unwell may however find it very difficult to engage in this type of rational thinking. Specialist support can therefore focus on weight gain initially as it is well known that at very low weights, the brains’ ability to process information and make decisions is significantly impaired.
Resources for parents and caregivers
If your child agrees to see their doctor, they may wish to go alone. While a doctor cannot share information that someone over 16 has told them without that person’s consent, a parent can share their worries with the doctor. There is a lot of help and information available for young people and their families which we’ve pulled together for you here. Parents often find real-life stories helpful and there are several charities with helplines or e-mail support.
- I’m worried my child might have an eating disorder or an unhealthy attitude to food.
- Eating Disorders – what parents and carers need to know from the Royal College of Psychiatrists.
- The brain and eating disorders explains how poor nutrition can affect memory, the ability to make decisions, solve problems, concentrate and more.
- What is ARFID? (Avoidant/restrictive food intake disorder)
- The PEACE pathway for people with autism and eating disorders
- Advice for parents including mealtime tips and how to talk to your child.
- Supporting someone with an eating disorder on BEAT charity’s website.
- FREED resources for families include “eating with confidence” which is useful to help think about starting recovery, “starting university”, “clean eating” and more.
- Advice on what not to say to someone starting to recover from an eating disorder(personal view on YoungMinds)
- Different types of eating disorders Just one of the useful pages on First Steps ED, based in the Midlands, who provide both NHS and private support.
- Feast.ed.org are an international organisation of parents who have experience of eating disorders in their families and share their advice and offer family support.
Eating disorder charities and information
- Information about eating disorders for parents and caregivers
- Latest eating disorder guidelines summary
- Supporting someone with an eating disorder on BEAT charity’s website There is also a directory of services, stories, blogs and the possibility to chat online.
- Overeaters Anonymous Great Britain Run local groups throughout the country
- Talk-ED has online community support for parents and also a help directory where you can put your postcode and find counsellors in your area.
- Somerset and Wessex Eating Disorders Association –Great website, helpline and information and, if you live in the area, you may be able to access group support and 1-2-1 low-cost counselling. They also have a support service for students attending local colleges.
- First Step ED: A Midlands charity with resources and information including a downloadable self-care booklet here. They also have information on disordered eating in men and boys, and eating disorders and neurodiversity. If you live locally, they also provide local support including free counselling for children.
Eating disorder helplines
- Talk-ED has online community support for parents and carers and also a help directory where you can put your postcode and find counsellors in your area. Helpline 03000 111213. Option1 (support) Option 2 (family and friends)
- Beat eating disorders Helpline, directory of services, stories, blogs and the possibility to chat online. There is also a separate helpline for young people under 18. Helpline 0808 8010677
- YoungMinds Parent Helpline and other support
- The Mix (for under 25’s) Helpline for support on any topic. They also offer e-mail support, message boards and text support.
Books for parents and professionals
Parents write about eating disorders
- Hope with Eating Disorders by Lynn Crilly, written from a parent’s first-hand experience, advice on how to identify and cope with different eating disorders and case studies.
- Bite-sized A Mother’s Journey alongside Anorexia in poetry form by Fiona Hamilton
- The Food of Love by Amanda Prowse. A novel about a mother discovering her daughter has an eating disorder. It starts with a light touch but doesn’t shy away from the realities, including looking at what behaviours from parents and others are helpful and not so helpful. Tough but ultimately hopeful
Resources for young people
I think I have disordered eating but I'm scared to make any changes
Are you wondering whether you might have an eating disorder or have finally realised you do? It can be hard to admit to yourself that there is a problem and even harder to have the courage to do something about it.
Even if you are not ready to make a change, it can be helpful to have someone to talk things over with so remember you are not alone and there is a lot of support out there for you. Many people with eating disorders are slow to realise they have a problem. They often feel they are ‘not that bad’ even when others around them are worried.
Do you have any of these common signs of disordered eating ?
Even just one of these is significant.
- Food and eating are taking up most of your thoughts
- You never or seldom eat with others because you feel uncomfortable doing so
- You feel guilty after eating
- You compensate if you feel you’ve overeaten with exercise, vomiting or laxatives
- You spend time every day checking your body in the mirror or with photographs
As well as taking up a lot of time and energy, disordered eating can affect your mood, your skin and hair, your memory, your friendships and your ability to get better from injuries or illness. Even knowing all of this, change is difficult.
Are you ready for change? Find out here
Where are you on the cycle of change? Just thinking about it or ready to make some preparation? Not ready at all? Open this document to find out where you are and what that might mean for you: https://seed.charity/wp-content/uploads/Motivation-To-Change.pdf
Information, helplines and support for young people
- YoungMinds information and support on anorexia
- YoungMinds information on bulimia
- Worries about weight and eating like ‘how do I stay a healthy and normal weight?’ ,’ What causes problems with eating?’,’ signs of an eating disorder” and ‘how to get help?’.
- The Mix – read articles on lots of topics like; ” Do I have an eating disorder?”,” How to stop an eating disorder relapse”, “How to help a friend with an eating disorder”
- Childline website (for up to age 19+yrs) Honest and helpful information about what eating disorders are, what treatments are available, and how you can get help. There are message boards and the option to chat online with a counsellor.
- The brain and eating disorders: How poor nutrition can affect memory, the ability to make decisions, solve problems, concentrate and more.
- Eating with confidence A downloadable guide on how to build healthy and nutritional meals while staying in control.
- Beat a directory of services, stories, blogs, and the possibility to chat online. There is also a separate helpline for young people under 18.
- Eating disorders in men
- Disordered eating in athletes
- Diabulimia: eating disorders in diabetes including the misuse of insulin
Personal stories
How to help yourself: books
- Banish Your Body Image Thief by Kate Collins-Donnelly. Available in your local library
- Tyranny by Lesley Fairfield (fiction- a graphic novel about anorexia ) Available in local libraries
In addition to the books above, the list below may be more suitable for older teens or young adults and are often used by therapists. They are also helpful for parents to understand more about what sort of approaches might help. For example, many people with eating disorders are very hard on themselves and learning ‘self-compassion’ (or being kind to yourself) is an important part of recovery.
- Overcoming anorexia nervosa: A self-help guide using Cognitive Behavioural techniques by Christopher Freeman
- The anorexia workbook: how to Accept Yourself, Heal Your Suffering and Reclaim Your Life by Michelle Heffner
- Overcoming Binge Eating by C Fairburn
- The Centre for Clinical Interventions is an Australian Clinical Psychology website that provides rea excellent down-loadable workbooks including building self-compassion, disordered eating, and building body acceptance
Apps: get back in control
- Mindshift CBT Uses relaxation techniques like “mindful breathing” and positive visualisation to help with anxiety. There is also a section on “Thinking Right” with helpful thoughts which you can select to use instead of your usual negative circular thoughts.
- Eating Disorder Support App This new App has a huge amount of information, self-help, advice on supporting others, useful links, and even a calm zone
- RR (Recovery Record) App with a log for how you feel, but also ideas and suggestions for positive thoughts and coping strategies. Set yourself goals and choose coping skills that you think might work for you (click on coping skills, then add to see a selection but you can also add your own). There are guided meditations that you can pair with images of your choice. Based on CBT techniques, you can also share logs with others such as a counsellor.