Self-esteem

1. Research shows that self-esteem is boosted by trying new things and by understanding that mistakes are a part of learning.

   It isn’t boosted by being praised for something we have no control over (e.g. how we look) nor is it helped by being told off for making mistakes. Praise is most effective if it’s specific (“I liked the way you helped me with my bag”) rather than general (“good boy”). For a short video of some examples of descriptive praise, see the bottom of this page. For children who are really struggling, try noticing every small thing they do well or make an effort with.

2. If a child behaves in a challenging way, try to call out the behaviour rather than call the child rude, lazy or naughty.

   If you have time to take a deep breath, offering an alternative behaviour that you’d rather see can be a nice way of doing this, e.g ” Instead of shouting at me, you could try asking in a quiet voice and saying please”. No guarantees it will work every time, but it’s a lot less undermining and you will feel better too.

3. Parents and carers naturally want to help their children in any way possible, fix their problems and remove obstacles in their way.

   It’s hard to realise that sometimes this can inadvertently cause children to feel less able and more anxious, as they haven’t learnt how to negotiate those bumps in the road. For younger children, you can still give them a feeling of control even when you’re helping, by looking at choices together and asking for their suggestions. Even harder might be allowing them to make a choice you don’t think is great and letting them see what happens -as long as it’s safe, of course. Read on for more advice from these charities and professionals.

Watch this video from Raisingchildren.aus to see how to use descriptive praise

• Michael Jordan – a kid’s book about not fearing failure so you can succeed for 4-8 yrs
• Zero by Kathryn Otoshi. As budding young readers learn about numbers and counting, they are also introduced to accepting different body types, developing social skills and character, and learning what it means to find value in yourself and in others. You may be able to get this in your local library.
• Small Saul by A. Spires. Great for younger children who love pirates and who may benefit from a small boost in self-acceptance
• Confidence is my superpower for 4-8 years written by a teacher and recommended by parents
• Mistakes are how I learn for pre-and primary school-age children, written by a teacher
• ‘Be Yourself- Why it’s Great to be You! by Poppy O’Neill. A story with lots of tips for parents along the way, celebrating individuality. Also useful in schools.
• You’re a star. A child’s guide to self-esteem’ by Poppy O’Neil. This practical guide combines proven cognitive-behavioural therapy methods used by child psychologists in schools with simple activities to help your child grow their self-esteem. It’s aimed at children aged 7–11 because a lot happens in these years that can impact a child’s sense of self-worth, not just now but for years to come. Your child will be guided, with the help of Bop – a friendly and supportive character they can identify with – through fun and engaging activities which are interspersed with useful tips, inspirational statements and practical information for parents.
• ‘Happy Confident Me Life Skill Journal’ Written by esteemed and highly reputable Psychologist Dr Linda Papadopoulos, together with Parenting expert and Coach Nadim Saad, the pair have called on their decades of clinical and coaching experience to combine their real-world experiences with the latest research in wellbeing to help children thrive. Age 8 – 13 years
• ‘I am Enough’ by Grace Byers. Buy it or watch it read aloud here: (14) Grace Byers Reads “I Am Enough” | Bookmarks | Netflix Jr – YouTube This gorgeous, ode to loving who you are, respecting others, and being kind to one another comes from Empire actor and activist Grace Byers and newcomer artist Keturah A. Bobo.
• ‘I Like Myself’ by Karen Beaumont. Buy it or watch it read aloud here: (14) Read Aloud: I Like Myself By: Karen Beaumont – YouTube Exuberant rhymes and wild illustrations celebrate self-acceptance and self-love
• Self-esteem | PlantLoveGrow. Worksheets to help with self-esteem, self-love, self-acceptance, self-pride, gratitude, positive affirmations, self-respect, body acceptance

• What is self-esteem and how can I boost it?
  Always putting yourself down? Boosting your confidence with extra advice on building self-belief after bullying and bringing out the best in you.
• Boost your mood and confidence by trying something new: try this game for some ideas